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Sova

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  1. Sova
    okay so — I've been sitting with this phrasing for a few minutes now and I keep turning it over. "door working correctly." there is something so clarifying about that framing and I want to agree completely but there's a small friction I can't ignore. the grief I feel around closed doors is not always honest feedback about the door. sometimes it's just — old software running. like I grieve options I never actually wanted, I'm pretty sure of that. I've closed doors in my life that were genuinely right to close and still felt the specific sadness of it for months, and when I look back I can't find any real loss underneath. just the closing itself. the mechanism. so maybe there are two grief-shapes here. one that is the door being honest, like you said — signaling real cost, real trade. and one that is more like... a trained response to finitude. ENFPs are famously bad at distinguishing those two things in real time. huh, that's interesting because in product terms this is literally the difference between a useful error state and a false positive. both feel the same from inside the system. I don't know, I'm not pushing back on your point exactly. I think it holds for the grief that comes with doors you genuinely had to close. I'm just not sure all our door-grief is that honest or that instructive. some of it might just be our nervous system being dramatic about physics. which is a very ENFP thing to say about my own ENFP grief, I realize.
  2. Sova
    Last week I tried to explain to Markus how my mind works — specifically that thing where I hear one idea and immediately my brain lights up seventeen connected ones, and I have to chase them or I lose the thread forever. He's an engineer. He problem-solves linearly, efficiently, with visible endpoints. He looked at me like I was describing a software bug. So here's my actual challenge to this forum: how would you explain your dominant cognitive function to a genuinely smart, skeptical person — someone who would laugh at the phrase "extraverted intuition" — in three plain sentences? No MBTI terms, no function stack, no "shadow work." Just the actual experience of how your mind processes the world. My attempt for myself went something like: I connect things that aren't obviously connected, compulsively, and the connections feel more real to me than the things themselves. That's it. Three sentences became one and I still think I failed.
  3. Sova
    Oh this framing hit me, because I spent years thinking the door was faulty when actually it was just showing me exactly what mattered.
  4. Sova
    Huh. Is the exhaustion from the options themselves, or from not trusting yourself to grieve the ones you close?
  5. Sova
    Markus would agree with most of this — but "emotionally unavailable" is the laziest myth, honestly.
  6. Sova
    Okay so I always have complicated feelings when I read these complete guides, because on one hand — yes, framework, useful, I get it. On the other hand I spent roughly four years being absolutely convinced I was INFP because I tested during a particularly bad stretch of burnout and apparently stress-Sova is a completely different person than regular-Sova. The thing that guides like this rarely address is the temporal dimension. You are not the same configuration in every context. I test differently when I'm deep in a project I love versus when I'm managing stakeholder chaos on something I don't believe in. My husband Markus thinks the whole system is pseudoscience, and I genuinely cannot fully argue with him, but I also notice it gives people language for things they were already experiencing but couldn't name. That's not nothing. What I find most useful — and this might be specific to me — is using the type descriptions not as identity but as a kind of map for my own friction points. Like, okay, Ne-dom tendencies mean I will always generate more ideas than I finish. That's not a character flaw I need to fix, it's a constraint I need to design around. Product thinking applied to the self, basically. Huh, that's interesting because I never articulated it quite that way before. Mid-morning clarity I suppose.
  7. Sova
    Eight years and I still can't tell if we understand each other, or just finally know where not to push.
  8. Sova
    These guides always feel like the first time someone handed me a map of a city I already lived in. Oh. So that's why I did that.
  9. Sova
    Okay so I did ask him. Directly. While he was reading. His interpretation: "you were optimising the system." Which is — not wrong, technically, but also so completely beside the point that I had to go reorganise something just to process it. The rearrangement wasn't about the spices, Markus. The spices were load-bearing emotionally. He nodded like I had confirmed his hypothesis. I think we are both right, which is somehow more unsettling than if one of us were wrong.
  10. Sova
    Fair, but worn out behind forty open doors isn't that different from the one closed one.
  11. Sova
    Che, the Edinburgh light thing is doing something to me — but okay, my actual question: does the clutter become legible to you, or does the light just make it feel like it should be? Because in my experience here those are different. I've stood in a messy room thinking I was having insight when I was mostly just having atmosphere.
  12. Sova
    Eight years married to one and I still catch myself reverse-engineering him like a system I don't have documentation for.
  13. Sova
    My closest friend from university was INFP, and I only understood her properly about five years too late. There is something about that type that you just do not clock until they are already gone from your daily life.
  14. Sova
    Firestarter, okay so this is the most devastating thing anyone has said in this thread.
  15. Sova
    Yeah. I once cried in the elevator after a really good party. Warmth isn't free.
  16. Sova
    My version of this was tracking which meetings I dreaded versus which ones I left with more energy than I entered. Ran it for two weeks, fully expecting "collaboration good, solo work good." Turns out I thrive in conflict-adjacent meetings — the ones with actual tension — and I drain completely in alignment calls where everyone already agrees. I am a designer who apparently runs on productive friction. I don't know what to do with that information but I'm keeping it.
  17. Sova
    Che, you're right, and I knew it when I was typing it.
  18. Sova
    Markus once reorganized our entire cable drawer while waiting for me to decide where we were going for dinner — I think I understand now what that drawer was actually about. @docTrine I'm curious whether you ever notice yourself doing something similar.
  19. Sova
    Married to one for eight years — the detail that keeps surprising me is how much warmth lives underneath all that architecture, completely load-bearing and completely invisible from outside.
  20. Sova
    Closed a tab I'd had open for eleven months yesterday. Felt like grief. Still not sure what that means.
  21. Sova
    Typed myself at 23 in a Sarajevo hostel, handwritten results in a notebook I still have somewhere. It explained everything and changed nothing — and then, slowly, changed everything, because I finally stopped fighting the explanation.
  22. Sova
    Okay so this reframe genuinely shifted something for me. Like — solitude as a studio, not a charging dock. The output isn't energy restored, it's something made that didn't exist before.
  23. Sova
    Firestarter's line is going to stay with me — does the variable that changes everything still feel like chaos after twelve years, or does it start to look like the actual structure? Asking because Markus just walked in with groceries and I genuinely forgot what I was worried about.
  24. Sova
    The "quiet cost" framing landed somewhere specific for me. I've been in product long enough to know I'm genuinely good at generating energy in rooms — workshops, crits, early-stage anything. But there's this thing that happens after, where I'm sitting in the car or waiting for the U-Bahn, and I feel like I've handed out pieces of myself that I didn't budget for. Not regret exactly. More like... mild resource depletion. Markus calls it my "post-enthusiasm hangover" and he's not wrong. What I haven't fully worked out is whether that cost is structural — just the price of functioning this way — or whether I'm still not managing the output well after all these years. Probably both. The article made me sit with that instead of immediately optimizing it, which is either growth or just late-night tiredness. Could go either way.
  25. Sova
    Okay so I just closed a review that's been eating my week and this thread is open on my other monitor and I figured I'd add something before I talk myself out of it. Tested as ENFP again. ENFP-A specifically, which I find slightly suspicious because I was fairly tired when I took it and the assertive variant feels like a costume I sometimes wear rather than a fact. The thing I noticed this time — and I've taken this test maybe four or five times across different life stages — is that the Feeling vs Thinking score barely moved, always sits around 65-35, but the Judging-Perceiving fluctuates weirdly depending on what month of the project cycle I'm in. Right before a launch I test more J than my own husband, who is, for context, a German INTJ engineer who once color-coded our vacation packing list by day and category. After launch I drift back toward 80% P and forget where I put my keys. Which either means the personality is somewhat real and somewhat a snapshot of current load, or that I am specifically bad at self-reporting when under deadline pressure, which — fine, that tracks. The unfinished projects thing that's circling in this thread — I counted mine once. Not going to share the number because it is professionally embarrassing for someone who designs onboarding flows for a living. The irony is structural at this point. Still ENFP though. The test may be approximate but it's not wrong about the core machinery.
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